Hip Hop Hooray – Holiday time!

After such a rough year I’ve treated myself to a three week holiday in Thailand. My Dad lives here and I’ve got plenty of family so it’s not really what I’d call a conventional Thailand holiday… so far I’ve been to a hairdressing competition, a mega mall, a normal mall, the local market, a Thai factory and have had a few days just chilling at my dads.

The flight to Bangkok from New Zealand was long, because of a 7hr stopover in Sydney it took 22hours door to door. Way too much sitting for my poor hip but I took lots of standing breaks, stretched and when it got too much took pain killers. I was just grateful the flight wasn’t half as bad as last year when I was on crutches and needed special assistance incl wheelchair pickup from airplane in Bangkok’s massive terminal. So grateful I’m much much much better now.

Since I’ve been here in Thailand the hip has had some good days and some bad ones. Its started ‘catching’ again but I’ve been carrying my little niece a lot (1yr old) and walking more than usual so its not surprising. The catching is unpleasant, the muscular pain is fine (good even) but on my 2nd day here I started getting really bad nerve pain which was not OK. Its like siatica but I get it in the back of my pelvis, sides of my hips and down my legs. I’ve only had this pain twice before, both times just before a terrible episode of “acute chronic pain” so I was a little freaked out at first. But I knew stressing wouldn’t help, so I took a deep breath and reminded myself how much stronger I am these days, I am also on ‘nerve suppressing’ medication which has to help. So I rested a little, used my emergency pain medication and then pushed through and kept moving. My physio exercises helped, I added some yoga stretches to the mix and 5 days later and the nerve pain has pretty much gone. Phew. 🙂

I’ve only got 2 weeks holiday left… bagh, why does time go so quickly when you’re having fun?

My plan is to spend new years with my family and then head to a beach for a few days R&R in the sun/sea. I’m really hanging out for a swim in the sea and some sunbathing.

Photo: yoga mat, foam roller and physio exercises. I’m making the most of the free time and keeping up with the strengthening of lefty.

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Photo: Me and my sleeping baby niece:

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TENS Trial

The hospital lent me a TENS machine to try for two weeks. My pain levels have been creeping up as I do more hours at work, so I was hoping the TENS would be an alternative to taking more meds.

It didn’t really work out for me. It felt like just another stimulation for my over sensitive nervous system. A little like listening to loud music at work to enable me to block out noise so I can focus on my work. I think the nerve stimulation on my leg was drawing my attention to the pain and made it harder to ignore. It didn’t do much for the groin pain and it possibly made the thigh pain worse! On top of that, the hassle factor was too high, the wires annoying and it meant I couldn’t put creams on my leg.

So, the TENS trial was a fail, but it was worth a go.

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A waste of time?

Ok, this is a bit grim, but I can’t help but feel that this year has been a waste of time! I’m trying to think what I’ve achieved in 2012 and not a lot is coming to the surface. None of my projects at got delivered, I spent most of the year in a lot of pain, 1 month in a state of crisis, 11 weeks off work and then 3 months of intense rehabilitation to get me back to a similar condition as I started the year. I am functional but on a lot of medication.

2012 feels like a ‘dejavu’ of 2011, but worse!!

Ok… I’ll stop being little miss negative. I did have 2 good things happen:

1) In amongst the chaos in August I received a Post Graduate Certificate in Information Systems, finally passing my last exam with distinction.

2) I found out that I can sing and I’m a natural soprano.

As you can probably tell, I’m feeling a bit flat at the moment, I’m really tired and hanging out for my holiday. I really feel like I’m treading water in life and I’m very aware my hip pain is holding me back. I’ve missed promotions, had broken relationships and I feel trapped in my body. I feel disappointed in myself and am wondering why has this happened to me? Not in a ‘woe is me’ kind of a way, more in a “what did I do wrong?” kind of a way. eugh… damn those perfectionist tendencies.

I need to keep soldiering on with my rehabilitation and try not to get too frustrated with myself. I’m still at a stage of getting stronger every week, I’m sure if I keep nudging at the edge of my abilities I’ll get to a place where it’s less of a struggle.

Here’s to 2013, may it bring much happier and healthier times!

2013 is on its way!

I’ve been using a wall chart this year to track my yoga and meditation practice. It has been a good visual aid to keep me motivated and see the ebbs and flows throughout the year. I can see how dedicated my practice was while in India and how hard I’ve tried to hold on through out a really rough year.

Yesterday I decided to ditch my wall planner as it has ended up being a visual reminder of what a shit year I’ve had. It’s now in the back of my wardrobe and I am putting the hard times behind me. I’m hoping December will be another month of strengthening to get me ready for a much better year in 2013.

It’s hard not to notice a ‘de ja veu’ moment though. At the end of 2011, after my 1st episode of acute chronic pain, I was in recovery and feeling very optimistic about 2012. But this year ended up being a lot worse than the one prior! I can’t live in fear of what might happen though. I need to move forward with life and be hopeful that 2013 will bring healthier and happier times.

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