As I come to the end of my rehabilitation phase and back into pain management I’m feeling ok. Not fantastic, not terrible… just OK. This is good, feeling neutral is a lot better than feeling bad or anxious about the future. I’m at the stage now where the pain comes/goes and is usually at a level where it doesn’t bother me too much. Funny how ‘normal’ is a relative term.
I’ve got a doctors appointment tomorrow to deal with things like medication and getting a doctors certificate to state I’m well enough to work full time, hopefully we will get time to discuss the plan forward from here. I’m hopeful I can continue to improve physically, perhaps even to the point where I can do boxing, spin and run again. My phyiso thinks I am a while away from that though, so its a case of pacing myself and being careful to avoid unnecessary setbacks.
Eugh… I’ve been back a week and have been dealt a harsh slap of post holiday reality. Return to work, pain, rain, medical apts, medical reports, feelings of failure, rehabilitation, family problems, cold weather, performance reviews and to top it off PMS. I’m already feeling worn out and I’ve only been back a week.
Good stuff has happened too. Best of all I got to catch up with my nephew who has recently turned one. He is very chatty and I got lots of cuddles. It was good to see his mum and dad too, they are all moving to the UK soon and I’ll miss them all dearly.
Im feeling a bit lost at the moment. I think I know where I am, just don’t know where I’m going or where I want to go. There are so many things I want to do, but something stops me from starting… a lack of time/energy, a fear of failure and people telling me I’ve got a tendency to take on too much.
This photo pretty sums up how I’m feeling right now. Trapped and trying to break free.
Ive decided to spend my last few days in Thailand on an island called Koh Chang. It’s a large island about 4-5hours drive from Bangkok, very close to the border of Cambodia. I took a bus and ferry to get here and “winged it” for accommodation, as a result I had to do a lot of walking, sometimes with a heavy pack on my back. The fact that I am able to do this makes me very happy. Im a traveller at heart and crutches + travel don’t go together so well! Of course my hip has played up a little, I’m pushing gently at the edge of its abilities… but I accept the pain is likely to be part of my life for a while longer so I’m not letting it ruin my holiday. I’m just oozing with happiness that I can walk with a pack on and not suffer the consequences too badly.
While in Koh Chang I decided to do a yoga course and signed up for 3 days of twice daily sessions of yoga, pranayama and meditation with Joy at Baan Zen. The pace of the classes is much slower than what I’m used to but is perfect for me right now. There is only me and one other student who happens to have hip pain too! Oh dear… I’m seeing quite a correlation between yoga and hip pain.
The teacher, Joy is very gentle, informative and does reiki teachers training. So it’s very restorative and healing here. I highly recommend Bann Zen as an add on to a holiday in Thailand. And if you do come here, try and stay at The Blue Lagoon, it’s very close and super lovely. The best budget accommodation I’ve stayed at in a long time.
Here are some photos:
Today I did the full 90 minute strengthening sequence given to my by my teacher last year. A big step forward from my physio exercises and definitely more of a challenge than the mini-sequences I’ve managed to date.
This mornings practice reinforced how well I am doing, I feel so much better than this time last year. My strength is better, I’m not on crutches and the ROM in my hip has improved. I’m moving fluidly and while there is pain, it is tolerable. While I’m aware a lot of this progress is because of the medications I’m taking, I don’t live in an ideal world and my instinct (and doctors) tells me it’s best to keep taking the meds, for now. As you can see, I dislike taking medication.
This mornings yoga practice also reminded me that I’ve still got a way to go before I can ‘let go’ and return to carefree pre-injury activities. I’m very confident that I’ve got the tools and knowledge to get there, and if I don’t get there, I can get closer if I continue to look after myself and keep up the strengthening. I’m also much better supported and because of this I feel like I’m less likely to have a relapse of the mysterious “acute chronic pain” – this gives me much needed confidence going into 2013.
This year I’ll be focusing on my yoga studies and will prepare myself (body, breath, mind and spirit) for another adventure in India to study with my teacher. I’ll also continue to release my singing voice and I’m very much looking forward to rejoining the gospal choir I sung with briefly last year. My work needs refocusing now my health is getting better, however I’m going to be careful to watch my work/life balance. I’ve always loved my job but work is work, my health has to come first. I’ve learnt that lesson the hard way too many times!
Thank you to my teachers, friends, family and the online community. Without you my journey to better health would have been long, lonely and arduous.
Here’s to a happier, healthier 2013. May it bring you peace, happiness, love, sunshine and fun.
I’ve started 2013 with feelings of calmness, determination, strength and hope. 2013 is going to be a good year for me, I’m sure of it.
I saw the new year in with my dad, stepmum and their friends on a mountain in Thailand. We spent the evening praying and meditating. I reflected on how far I’ve come and set intentions of strength, stability, good health and love. After a meditation we went outside and released lanterns into the sky above. It was a perfect way to bring the new year in.