I wish yoga wasn’t so frustratingly painful. Sure it’s not as bad as it used to be, but it always hurts to some degree. I can’t fully relax, switch off and ‘let go’ like I used to be able to do. The days of feeling like I’m flying on my mat are long gone. Today my shoulders were crunching, my wrists were weak, my twisted right ankle was throbbing (new injury, I keep twisting it), my left hip was its usual iffy self and my sacrum threatened to lock up. Despite all this, I felt much better after the class than before it. So it’s not all bad!
Yoga class used to be my refuge and now it’s a lucky dip. Will I be lucky enough to handle the teachers sequencing today? Will I get to warm up my hips before lunging or forward bending? Will my hip even tolerate lunging today? Will my sacrum lock up? Will pranayama help or hinder my breathing? Or will it make me anxious? Will child’s pose hurt like heck? Will my hip be happy with this practice or will the darn thing rebel for days?
I know a lot now about how to modify a yoga practice so it works for me and I can do most of a 90min class (unless its a very twisty class) with some modifications. While there are a lot less tears in shivasana these days, yoga classes are just not what they used to be. I really miss being able to fly!
I’m thinking my body is out of practice and that now I’m much stronger it’s time to add some discipline to my yoga practice. Perhaps I should approach my yoga practice with a beginners mind, accept the discomfort and embrace the feeling of shedding disability and growing into another phase of life. The reality is I’m going to have to live with this pain for a while yet, I’ve just got to keep working with it.
Once again, it is time for patience and perseverance. Slow and steady like the turtle, gentle and strong like an elephant. The benefits of a regular yoga practice are totally worth the effort. And I am worth it too.
Last Monday I had my first go at kickboxing in over 2 years. It amazes me how the body can remember things, my physio could tell I’d done it before. It was awesome, I’d forgotten how much fun boxing is.
The good news, I can still box, there is one kick that’s not a goer for me but I did much better than expected AND I wasn’t in horrific pain afterwards (unlike last time). We only did 15mins or so, but it’s not a bad starting place.
The not so fabulous news, it kinda flared things up for a few days and my pelvis has been feeling a bit out of sorts. But in the scheme of things it’s totally worth giving it another go. My physio has given me the name of a trainer at the gym and she will let him know how far I can be pushed. I’m going to book in for next week.
Because I’ve pulled a few extra hours at work I decided to take the afternoon off work. I had poached eggs for breakfast, did some yoga and a very productive morning working from home. In the afternoon I went for a veg tali at an Indian eatery and then spent the rest of the day reading the paper in the sun. I’m about to head off to the hospital for yet ANOTHER pain clinic session and then I think I’ll either go home and relax or I’ll go to community choir.
It’s been a really nice day, it makes such a big difference not to be rushing from A to B, I’ve had time/energy to eat well, do yoga and enjoy the sunshine. It’s also nice not to spend the whole day in a stuffy office, isolated from the outside world (I don’t sit anywhere near a window).
Here is some very good advice from my twitter feed: “Sometimes the best thing to do is… stop trying to figure out where you’re going and just enjoy where you are for now”. (@2thank)
Right now I’m in a good space, the hip is no longer the centre of my life and I’m still getting better as the weeks go by. I’m loving being on less medication and I feel like I’m starting to get my life back. It’s evident that I’ve still got a fair way to go but right now I’m in an ok place.