A long walk home

I decided to walk home for the first time in ages.

15mins into the walk it starts getting quite painful. I’m debating in my head how much is too much, maybe I should stop. I keep going.

Another 15mins passes and my thigh is on fire (just a little one) and my hip joint hurts and is feeling warm. My ankle is throbbing a little. I wonder if I will regret this. But I can feel my disused muscles working, my cheeks are pink and I remember how much I love to walk. I feel fat and unfit, I’m worried about going into surgery like this. I keep walking, just a little bit more.

It hurts. A lot. Once again I question myself, but I decide now is a good time to test my edge. But I’ll be sensible stop to rest a bit.

I stop at the bus stop, check my twitter feed and am instantly presented with an inspirational quote and image that gives me full confidence that I will keep walking until I get home. I am not going to give in to this pain, it’s already robbed me of so much. With tears in my eyes, with pain in my hip, ankle and shoulder… with a heavy and tired heart, I keep walking.

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Image: Robin Sharma (twitter: @_robin_sharma)

Disclaimer – A lot can be said for pacing. I pushed myself too far too soon and I paid the price. But I did so mindfully, so I think it’s ok. I knew I’d flare up the hip, but I knew it wouldn’t be so bad that I’d knock myself out for weeks as I’ve done in the past. I came home, iced and rested. No one was harmed in the walking experiment. 🙂

This is just getting ridiculous

I’m having a rough week, my shoulder has been playing up so it’s now taped up again (this time like a rugby players). My ankle is still in the brace following repetitive sprains and it seems my ligaments refuse to heal. And of course my hip still is awaiting surgery for FAI.

My body hurts, but the pain is being managed fairly well and I’m able to keep on top of it. But it’s exhausting. My problem is I can’t see an end to this madness and I’m very frustrated that I can’t exercise. I whinged about the swimming being all I can do at the gym, but now I can’t even do even do that! Ooops, good lesson in gratitude and making the most of what you’ve got.

A little pre-op hospital tour

Today I had a little hospital tour to try and desensitise my fears around hospitalisation prior to my operation. I’ve had a few terrible hospital stays so have developed quite a phobia of the place. The lovely nurse from the pain clinic gave me a tour (I followed her around while she did a few jobs) and I’m now feeling A LOT better about my stay there… phew.  I was feeling very nervous about the idea of the visit, but once I was there it wasn’t so bad.  I used mindfulness techniques to calm myself down and it worked a treat.   I’m now feeling 98% ready for this operation and am looking forward to getting it over and done with!

Today I was shown the waiting area for pre-op, the rooms where you get ready before the operation and then we went up to the ward.  The plan is for just one night in hospital and they have put measures in place to plan around the CRPS and ensure the pain is well controlled before I go home.  I think the hardest thing about being in hospital is the fact that I have to take a back seat, not something I’m used to doing.  I can’t control what happens when I’m in hospital and I can’t control how I get treated. All I can do is be mindful about how I react to the situation. I have to trust the surgeon and the hospital staff have my best interests at heart, and that I will be OK.

After today I’m feeling ready for my surgery, calm and relaxed.  Now I just need a DATE!  Agh, waiting lists suck.

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