The best Thai massage ever

Oh my goodness, just had the best (and most painful) Thai massage ever. This guy found all the sore spots  straight away and was incredibly strong. He has studied massage in Thailand, and Chinese medicine in China and Taiwan. And best of all, he came to our house!

I think my yoga practice tomorrow will be very different than it was today.

Tears of sadness on the yoga mat

I’ve been getting progressively worse since leaving Mysore. Better in some ways, but worse in others. I’ve been pushing the limits and exploring my “edge” so that has resulted in more pain. But I’ve amazed myself with what I can do. I’ve walked for hours at a time, swam in the sea for 45mins several times and cycled to the market and back. These are all things I’ve not been able to do in years without a major flare up. 

But since returning to Thailand my sleep routine has changed, I’m not eating as well, I’ve been spending more time on the computer and in front of the TV. Bangkok is noisier, brighter and more stressful than Mysore. I’ve been playing with a 3yr old, lifting her and carrying her at times. This brings me joy but it’s physically challenging. I’ve also noticed my stress levels have been increasing as I worry about money, moving to a new country and finding a job. I am also avoiding the yoga mat.

It’s pretty easy to work out why some of my old symptoms are coming back. My joints hurt, the central sensitisation is worse and my feet are burning. Luckily I know what I need to do to resolve the situation and address the downwards spiral. The first step is address the sleep hygiene, have a massage (sort out over tight  muscles) and face the music on my yoga mat. 

The yoga mat is a funny place, before the chronic pain it used to be a place of retreat, relaxation, fun, community and physical challenge. I always loved it as it was a diversion from my busy life and a space to unwind. Now it’s a place where I check in with myself, and feel the effects of my lifestyle and whatever is going on with my health. There’s no running away from the pain on my yoga mat and this is the direct opposite to my old favourite pain management tool of distracting myself from pain. No wonder I’ve been avoiding my yoga mat! 

As much as I don’t like to feel the pain, yoga usually does make things better even if it hurts a lot to get started and it’s difficult to keep going. But I’m not enjoying yoga these days as it’s painful and lonely. Even when I was practicing in a class environment in Mysore, I was the girl in the corner doing something completely different to everyone else. I’ve not done a yoga class in years and I can’t wait to go back to classes to feel part of a yoga community again.

Today after a short yoga practice (aborted because pain levels were too high), I did a Yoga Nidra for 30min to calm my nervous system and reduce the central sensitisation. Suddenly I started to cry, I felt overwhelmed by sadness as I realised I’ve come to a point where I need to accept that managing pain is still a big part of my life. It’s not necessarily a bad thing, it’s forcing me to live a much healthier, more mindful and balanced life. Many people live a life in chronic pain, I’m not alone in this. But it’s up to me to decide how I handle the situation moving forward. I could choose to go down the path of endless medical appointments, treatments and sitting on the sideline because I can’t do things. Or, I can live my life like a “normal person” and intergrate wellness and preventive measures into my lifestyle to avoid getting so bad I get sucked into doctors appointments and needed treatments to get better. 

I’m a big believer of “everything happens for a reason” – perhaps pain is the best way my body knows of how to push me into a healthy lifestyle! 

 

Significant progress

I’ve just spent a week on holiday at the beach with family. Its been great to work on my tan before heading back to work, and I’ve been pushing the limits with my hip. I’m now 8months post op and I am doing really well, I’m 100% sure the operation was a success and I’m much much better than I was 8 months after my first surgery.

I feel like I’ve turned a big corner in the last month.  Little things I’ve noticed in the last 2 weeks are:

  • Travelling from India to Thailand was a breeze this time. It was a long journey that required a lot of sitting and it was almost pain free. I was also very happy to be able to stand in the line for immigration with no issue.
  • I was able to run for the plane (oops) and I can walk with a 15-20kg backpack on.
  • I’m able to walk for several hours at at time now. Including walking on the beach and in the jungle.
  • I can swim in the sea for 45min-1hr at a time (lots of snorkelling), swim 20-30 lengths of freestyle and do some very slow/gentle breaststroke.
  • I can lift my 3yr old niece and play with her without too much discomfort.
  • I’m walking fluidly with ZERO limp.

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